Prayer is the key to success and peace.

I was never to serious about gaurenteeing my success in life. I slid by most of my life in school, work, and home. I had that charm that a lot of people just let me go with a lot of things and also that unfortunately for my mother, she was too worn out from working trying to pay for and raise 4 kids that it was hard to keep up with me. I was that rebel without a cause. I just felt like since no one was there to make me do anything productive and responsible with my life then why do it. I could have fun. I could be with friends. I could party and sometimes drink (not smart). Even though I was a rebel without a cause I was that girl that also always stuck to her morals. I didnt smoke or have sex, I didnt like to cuss or be around cussing. I didnt like anything that would take away from who a person truly is. I was a that sweet fun girl just trying to find her place in the world but unfortunately I had very little guidance. And at the point when I actually had people around to guide me, I was to angry at the fact that I felt like I was screwed that no one was around to really push me in the right direction when I needed it. So that was the foundation for what couldve been my life… sliding by. That is a horrible, horrible foundation.

I eventually moved to Michigan after high school with my mom. I was supposed to be taking classes at a local college but once again I was not doing things correctly. I had all the oppurtunities in the world at this point but I did not take them to my advantage. Instead I skipped class, I hung out with friends, and I slept. I stopped going to school and got a job at a restuarant. I had so much fun but it sent me even more downhill. I was drinking all the time, staying up late and sleeping in, smoking blacks, using all my money on shopping, etc. I didnt realize that once again I was sending myself into destruction. I met a man in my home city and we started dating. My roommate at the time wanted to move back home and since I felt myself falling for this man and also missing my friends and family back home, I went to. I ended up getting pregnant….

I had no idea what I was going to do. I had no job, no money, nothing. The Lord made a way to bless me even though I was so beyond disobedient toward him. He loved me and wanted to show me that I could become something great. I could be successful. My sister in laws mother owned a home daycare and wanted to move and start a different business in a different city. She wanted to see if I would like to buy the house and take over the daycare. I honestly did not want it. I wasnt thinking about all the great advantages I could get from it. But we decided to take the deal.

I have now had the daycare for a year and a half. I have gone through so many ups and downs in the past couple years that I havent looked at how blessed I was. I was able to be with my amazing son every single day. I could watch him grow and have a bond with him that most women these days dont get. I could take random days off just to spend with him and I still get paid. How wonderful is that? So I recently had a wake up call. WHY ARE YOU NOT TAKING FULL ADVANTAGE OF THIS BLESSING CAMERON???? Why are you letting the daycare fail? Why are you not completely in love with the fact you get to be with your son, be with your family, help kids, have fun, and get paid at the same time???

I finally woke up. This daycare is now my new baby. Something I want to raise and watch it grow. I am so proud of where we have come since we took over the daycare, it hasnt been a huge change, but we are getting there.. I love when we start new fun things with the kids how they light up and get to learn. I love that I have employees so if I want to go spend the day with my man or we go as a family to spend time together, I can. I am so blessed! I am a business woman. I am making money for my family. I am providing a house (with the help of my mother and man) for my family. I love that I am a teacher. I love to see the kids minds turn. I love being able to learn about how to make a business work. I am beyond excited to see where I could take this. Just for all these great things plus more, I know God has blessed me and he loves me.

But… I was my weakest link. I was holding back the strength of what Gods plan was for me, the daycare, and my own life. I began to pray everyday. I began to work 100 times harder. I have started to read Gods word, books, and talk to God. I have become a strong warrior. At the end of the day, I am strength. I have to be strong. I have to be strong for my beautiful family, my career, Gods plan for me, and a servent for our Father. This daycare and home is my new foundation. My foundation now stands for strength, love and determination. I now refuse for anything or anyone to stop me. I only want success and I am determined to get it. There is no more just getting by…

I must admit I have a hard time with both of these. I dont want to be the woman that is like “I cant trust anyone because of all my bad relationships in the past.” No Im not like that. I, yes, just as much as any woman has had some bad relationships. Men have lied, cheated, taken advantage, so on and so forth. In the end, its all the same sad broken hearted story. Now that is, until you meet the person who you really feel that real love. You know real love when its there too. Its not the love you question, its just that… love. I feel like recently I have been going through some crazy emotions. I honestly think its because its getting so close to the end of the year and this year marks the end to the 2nd most challenging year of my life. I look back and think “How did I make it?” I definitely am not the woman I was two years ago. I have grown up a lot. I have seen strength in myself that I never knew I had in me. A year ago on news years, I think set how my year turned out, now that I look back on it. I was filled with so many different emotions. I was uneasy, scared, hurt, angry, defeated but underneath it all greatful. I felt these emotions so many times throughout this year, that I wondered if it set the tone for the year (besides all of the joyous moments with my son). I was challenged that night and I think everyday since, just to make it and be strong. Be strong, be strong, be strong… Thats what I always tell myself. But my trust had flown out the door that night and I felt unable to ever be able to forgive. This new years marks a new year. A new life, a new journey, a new woman, a new mother… just new. I am renewing the person that I am. Not becoming a new person, just renewing. Shining myself or in other words dusting myself off. So now that I have begun stating all that, I have to say this, I have a hard time forgiving after my trust has been taken away. I think all people can say that. Hurt doesnt just go away, it takes time. I think I have been so emotional about this new year because I am determined to make it the best year. The year of changes. Which mean its the year to let go of the past. Forgive and trust again. I woke up this morning arguing with the man I love. The man I love is also the man that I have to forgive. I have to take this new year and put all the hurt in the past. And let me tell you, its not easy. I have to do it. Otherwise I am going to drive he and I both crazy. So after we ended our conversation, I looked at the bible. I thought to myself, “Cameron you have to find it in you to let go of this. You have to forgive. Trust again. Let yourself love completely again. But before you do all this you have to truly forgive.” This new year marks me letting go. Do you know how hard it is to just make yourself completely vulnerable to someone and still be strong? Wow, let me just say, its the closest thing to impossible that we can achieve. I read a little of Mark. God forgives us everyday and we do the worst. We lie, we cheat… we sin. Everyday. He made the promise to always forgive us. I mean God sacrificed his OWN son for us. Who am I to not work harder. So heres to you my love, I am going to take one of the largest steps into 2011, and forgive. I am going to let go of the past and trust. I am going to have confidence in you and me. I know you are trying more then ever. I appreciate it, I really do. I am going to give you my heart completely again if you will take it. If I go back on this step, I ask you to remind me of my promise to you. My promise of 2011. I love you.

Eat. Pray. Love.

Even though this is the title of a movie, my blog isn’t necessarily what the movie is about. I feel like “eat” in the movie is in my words “being content & finding happiness”. Even though the God I pray to is a different God that she prayed to in the movie, I do agree with the tactics. Prayer, meditation, faith, and forgiveness are the key to any relationship with our God. “Love” well love can be so many things. But… what is life without love.

Eat.

We in this generation are always on the go that it is so hard for us to find that flat out plain as day happiness. Happiness that you can sit down one day and breathe with a sigh of relief because you are so content in your mind, spirit, and soul. Well of course not. We have to make it on top, make moves, make money, etc. It is almost impossible because if you aren’t working for it, someone will come along to take your spot. But… I think its important that even though we always have to make moves that we find that content and happiness. Whether its playing with your kids, going to church, reading a book, take a trip to Italy, whatever it may be, its important that we can take sometime and breathe. Love yourself, find the thing that makes you most happy and do it. Don’t say it, don’t put it to the side, or do the “oh well maybe one day”… do it. 

Pray.

I love my God. I am far from perfect though and I definitely do not love Him enough. If I loved Him enough I would be working harder to be obedient, faithful, and serving Him. I have been battling with this for a while. I know I need to be better but lets face it, temptation and sin is a beast. But it is a beast, that will beat you to hell. How do we as humans think that we can ask our almighty God for the things that we want the most in the world when we are being far from obedient? Think about it, if a child was not listening to you and doing everything he/she should not be doing, would you give them a cookie? NO! Of course not. I mean why is it so hard for us to spend 10 minutes with the Lord a day, asking Him, what can I do for you? How can I serve you? The Lord wants to bless us. Remember that. He wants us to live sweatless, but he also wants us to learn his word and live by it. It’s not as difficult as we think, its just we have a hard time doing it, making it a priority. Prayer is the key to any happiness. Without God we are nothing, but with God we are everything. Take 10 minutes Thank God, sincerely ask Him to forgive you, and then ask Him “what can I do for you?”.

Love.

I think love is the most important word in our any language. It has the most meaning to it. When you love something and truly LOVE it. Thats deep. We all know that love is taken for granted and used way to often. But when its real, it is a beautiful thing. I saw real love once. This is excluding the love that I feel towards a certain someone. But I saw the real deal. My grandpa loved my grandmother so much, she was his angel. Thats what he told me one day, “she’s my angel, when I saw her, I knew.” They knew how to love each other. I saw it in their eyes, their smiles, body language, speech, etc. They would never speak anything to one another without saying it with love (and yes, even when they yelled, it was out of love). They had that undying connection. It was so beautiful. Honestly words could not describe it, it would just have to be something you would have to see. Unfortunately in the world today there is so much temptation. So many things that distract us from the one thing that is the most amazing thing, that can fill out hearts, our bodies, and any emptiness that we seek in these temporary lusts. We have to remove all the hurts, we have to remove all the bad, we have to forgive others and forgive ourselves. We have to go back to the core of our souls and remember… what love truly is.